Daddy's Rules for Dating

Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

New Orleans Went Under--A Black Man's Comments

The Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson is founder and president of BOND, the Brotherhood Organization of A New Destiny, and author of "Scam: How the Black Leadership Exploits Black America."

Say a hurricane is about to destroy the city you live in. Two questions:
1.What would you do?
2.What would you do if you were black?

Sadly, the two questions don't have the same answer. To the first: Most of us would take our families out of that city quickly to protect them from danger. Then, able-bodied men would return to help others in need, as wives and others cared for children, elderly, infirm and the like. For better or worse, Hurricane Katrina has told us the answer to the second question. If you're black and a hurricane is about to destroy your city, you'll probably wait for the government to save you. This was not always the case. Prior to 40 years ago, such a pathetic performance by the black community in a time of crisis would have been inconceivable. The first response would have come from black men. They would take care of their families, bring them to safety, and then help the rest of the community. Then local government would come in. No longer. When 75 percent of New Orleansresidents had left the city, it was primarily immoral, welfare-pamp ered b lacks that stayed behind and waited for the government to bail them out. This, as we know, did not turn out good results.

Enter Jesse Jackson and Louis Farrakhan. Jackson and Farrakhan laid blame on "racist" President Bush. Farrakhan actually proposed the idea that the government blew up a levee so as to kill blacks and save whites. The two demanded massive governmental spending to rebuild New Orleans, above and beyond the federal government's proposed $60 billion. Not only that, these two were positioning themselves as the gatekeepers to supervise the dispersion of funds. Perfect: Two of the most dishonest elite blacks in America, "overseeing" billions of dollars. I wonder where that money will end up. Of course, if these two were really serious about laying blame on government, they should blame the local one. Responsibility to perform legally and practically fell first on the mayor of New Orleans.

We are now all familiar with Mayor Ray Nagin the black who likes to yell at President Bush for failing to do Nagin's job. The facts, unfortunately, do not support Nagin's wailing. As the Washington Times puts it, "recent reports show [Nagin] failed to follow through on his own city's emergency-response plan, which acknowledged that thousands of the city's poorest residents would have no way to evacuate the city." One wonders how there was "no way" for these people to evacuate the city. We have photographic evidence telling us otherwise. You've probably seen it by now the photo showing 2,000 parked school buses, unused and underwater. How much planning does it require to put people on a bus and leave town, Mayor Nagin? Instead of doing the obvious, Mayor Nagin (with no positive contribution from Gov. Kathleen Blanco, the other major leader vested with responsibility to address the hurricane disaster) loaded remaining new Orleans residents into the Superdome and the city's convention center. We know how that plan turned out.

About five years ago, in a debate before the National Association of Black Journalists, I stated that if whites were to just leave the United States and let blacks run the country, they would turn America into a ghetto within 10 years. The audience, shall we say, disagreed with me strongly. Now I have to disagree with me. I gave blacks too much credit. It took a mere three days for blacks to turn the Superdome and the convention center into ghettos, rampant with theft, rape and murder. President Bush is not to blame for the rampant immorality of blacks. Had New Orleans' black community taken action, most would have been out of harm's way. But most were too lazy, immoral and trifling to do anything productive for themselves. All Americans must tell blacks this truth. It was blacks' moral poverty not their material poverty that cost them dearly in New Orleans. Farrakhan, Jackson, and other race hustlers are to be repudiated for they will only perpetuate this problem by stirring up hatred and applauding moral corruption. New Orleans, to the extent it is to be rebuilt, should be remade into a dependency-free, morally strong city where corruption is opposed and success is applauded. Blacks are obligated to help themselves and not depend on the government to care for them. We are all obligated to tell them so.

What in the freakin heck!?

Ok... so I believe that we all have to be fair and let people defend themselves... I am holding my tongue (new habit I am trying out) with this one. I believe that we have the right to believe what we want, but I hope and pray that there is a line drawn in the sand when it comes to the radical muslims. They're victims... and it's all President Bush's fault! That's bullcrap! They picked a fight and we're whipping their tails! The last thing we need is a sympathizer with the radical muslims or anyone else who wants to sit down and just talk it out. IT DOES NOT WORK PEOPLE!!! We do not need a woman...wait... we do not need a Billary Clinton... or an Osama Obama! If this doesn't make sense I am sorry. I am just so PO'ed with democrats, protestors, or anyone that is anti-freedom that I have been seeing in the campaigns lately.

What really needs to happen is that we take the democracks, protestors, and anti-freedom people and round them up at a rally...wait...can't forget Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson...round them all up at a rally somewhere and watch a radical muslim terroist fly a plane into them or blow his self up or something in their mists. Atleast then we would either take care of the problems here or they'll want to be apart of the solution and help fight and be on our side and try to keep America safe!

Pictures of the Day

Here are some funny pictures of the day that I found! Enjoy!

What's your real age?

Ok...so today I get an e-mail from http://www.realage.com/ asking me to check to see what real age is. Well... I did and the results are in. I was born March 4, 1980. That makes me almost 28 years-old this year. According to http://www.realage.com/ ...my real age is 33.9 years-old!! Can you believe that!! I am terrified and so now I have to come up with an effective weight loss plan that will allow me to get back to the age of 26... lol...or 21! I hope that it works better for you!

Bilateral Chroid Plexus Cysts

(here is an example of a sonagram with Choroid Plexus Cysts)

For those of you that don't know, when Tiffany and I went to the doctor four weeks ago, we were told that our little girl had a couple small cysts on her brain. We were told that it was called Bilateral Choroid Plexus Cysts. When I first heard this I felt so sick at my stomach and blamed myself. I will admit, I was pretty ticked off that we were not told earlier, but that was after I thought about it after everything happened. The doctor told us that these were a common occurance in babies and that we probably didn't need to freak out. After I mentioned that I was going to look the condition up on the internet, the doctor told me that she did not recommend it. I was P-Oed. On the way home Tiffany and I decided that we should have a family fast for the cysts to go away and that the baby would be healthy. We had a set date and had the fast. All we could do is wait until February 18th.
During the wait I went AGAINST the doctor's orders and researched the condition anyways. I found the website http://www.choroidplexuscyst.org/ and read about various experiences that people were having that had experienced the same fear and anxiety that Tiffany and I were going through. After doing much research and silent prayers I just stopped worring about it. I knew that everything would be alright and that our little Ella would be fine. On February 18th, we went to the doctor's office and found out that... EVERYTHING IS FINE!! We know that fasts work. We know that prayers work. We know that our Heavenly Father hears us and knows us personally. How grateful we are for the blessings that we have recieved... we know that all of the blessings that we have recieved were only because of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We recognize His hand in this miracle and we will be eternally grateful unto him for it. It is very humbling to have mercy shown unto us by our God. How grateful we truly are!

Guess who?

Here are some pictures of Tiffany and myself when we were little kids...hmmm? I wonder who Ella will look like the most? We can't wait to find out!!

Belly Laughs

I thought this was very funny because I tell my sweetheart how beautiful she looks daily. We will be taking pictures real soon of her belly so stay tuned!!

McCain-Romney 2008?

I don't know if you saw it or not, but yetserday Mitt Romney endorsed John McCain. I wasn't totally shocked by the decision and I personally think that it's a good move for Mitt. I think that is would be a "Super Team" for the Republican Party and would really help us to beat "Osama" Obama and Hillary Clinton in November. Do I agree with John McCain on all of the issues, No, but if this means that Mitt Romney's chances are better for being a team player and hopefully running for president again in the future, then I am all for it. Bandwagon? Nope, I just think that right now, it's a better choice to make instead of having two "towel head" lovers wanting us to pull out of the war and America not being safe.
"In this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror." - MittRomney

Tribute to a Prophet

I know that this is past, but I just want to share my thoughts concerning the belated and most beloved prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley. I am honored to have a special letter from him calling me to serve our God for two years and also to have a personal letter that he dictated through his personal secretary that was sent to me almost 10 years ago. How I loved this man and am grateful that he was in my life. Although we had never met, I know that he was a prophet of God and the he communed with the Almighty. How grateful I am to know that the communication of Deity with man is still in effect and that the revelation is still being recieved. I am grateful to know that another prophet has been called to lead and guide us through these last days, but for a moment I can't help but think of this giant of a man and what he meant to me. I will miss President Gordon B. Hinckley's love that he shared with us all and his optimism. I love this man.

Happy Valentine's Day

Well, here it is... Valentine's Day! What a wonderful day it is to celebrate love with the one that you love! OK... enough with the sensitive stuff! So, last night, my brother Seth and I had to go to Athens to set up for WHITE SMILE USA. I got home around 3:00 am this morning and decided to go into work a half a day. What in the world does this have to do with Valentines Day?

After waking up at 10:30 this morning I found my sweet wife, who is very visibly 6 1/2 months pregnant, vaccuming out my car and cleaning it for me. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!! She changed a fuse and even replaced my blinker! I couldn't believe it! I told her she shouldn't be doing that because she's pregnant and she said, "But I love you sweetie!" So that's it... that's my Valentine's Day gift from my wife. And my gift to her? lol... they are sitting in the sink! What a wonderful Valentine that I have in my life. My sweet wife is the best Valentine ever and I love her!

LADIES and GENTLEMEN... Welcome to the show!

Well, here we are! Our very own blog! I had one of these while Tiffany was on a mission, but deleted it once she came home. Thanks to our good friends, Evan and Hillary Cook, of Buchanan Eye Care, located in Buchanan, Georgia, we have decided to create our very own blog . So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!

ARE YOU A GAMER LIKE ME?

I love to play the XBOX360. This is my gamertag on XBOX LIVE. When you look at it, it reads that my location is Right Behind You which is to imply that I am stalking my prey!
Wanna play?! Any time....any place... all I need is some fellow gamers to game with!

Truth, Justice, and the AMERICAN WAY!

Earth's greatest hero... SUPERMAN